This post has taken me longer than I expected for me to write. Talking about feminist issues is important but divisive and I wanted to try to make this as approachable as possible.
So last month I had a very odd interaction with a man on transit that has got me thinking about the implications of choosing a vintage sense of style. To preface, when I dress in bold dresses and vintage hair I never expect to go unnoticed. The way I dress makes me happy and makes me feel beautiful but I am aware that to the average muggle it is very out-of-place. Most people seem to have a positive reaction to the way I dress which I am happy about because of the joy my clothes bring me.
The interaction that started my thought spiral happened at around 10 am on my bus on my way to work. I was happily knitting away, listening to a podcast, minding my own business when an older gentleman (probably mid-50s) tapped me on the shoulder. He then proceed to tell me how happy he was that I was keeping the ideals of the 50s alive and that he was pleased to see that there were still “true women” around. I honestly didn’t know what to say so I think I may have squeaked out a confused thank you and then tried to go back to my knitting. I still had a decent amount of my commute left so I had plenty of time to let the mans words sink into my mind.
When I dress in vintage inspired styles it is because they make me feel beautiful and I do like the way they aren’t the average thing you see in stores. I assume because my clothes are a little off the beaten track that people assume a similar thing of me. But the fact that my clothes implied to this man that my political leanings and life style choices were from the same era worries me. In the comment sections of many vintage inspired youtube videos and instagram posts there are comments similar to what this man said so in the span of the world he isn’t alone.
In a way I guess I always felt like donning the garb of the past felt like rewriting the narrative a bit. With my tattoos and (formerly) with my colored hair it sorta felt like I was able to express a sorta “fuck the system” spin on the fashion similar to women in the rockabilly movement. It isn’t something I put a drastic amount of thought into until this odd interaction but with the prevalence of the #metoo floating around the internet its hard for thoughts like this to not leave my mind.
With women all over the internet speaking up about harassment it feels wrong to not say something about this weird experience. I have no answers or solutions to problems like this. I know that I am not going to change what I am doing and I hope that this guy is an outlier. I’m honestly just a bit downtrodden really and I’m not quite sure how to end this post. I keep delaying publishing because it may not be perfect or because it may offend someone but I just need to get this out into the world and move forward.
Bernadette Makes 
I read this yesterday and attempted to leave a comment but nothing seemed right. I had friends who constantly made comments about my me made wardrobe because they were not interested in anything that was handmade. It made me feel bad about something I loved. Deeply loved. It really hurt. Some people in this world just project shit onto others without thinking. For us who know enough about hand made and vintage fashion, I would like to think we get it. So for every dumbass out there who doesn’t – please know that seeing your dress (which I saw at Knit City) brought me absolute joy because I know it’s hand made, the style and fit suits you to a tee and it is fun. It didn’t have a political message for me. Making my clothes means something to me and I dug deep and decided that my joy meant a helluva a lot more than other people’s opinions. You do you, and let other people do them. Don’t put that pretty dress in a dark closet. Rock it.
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I am a little confused here… It appears that the man’s comment hurt you – I’m sorry for that. But are you sure what it was that he meant by the ideals of 1950s and “true women”? If he was only 50-ish years old, he would have been born in 1960s, so he could not have known first hand what it was like back then. The was talking in terms of his impressions of what it would have been like, and you, also not having lived in 1950s, have inevitably placed his words within your impressions of what it would have been like. And then, 1950s span ten years, and 1951 was nothing like 1959, so which bit are we talking about? Of course, I myself wasn’t around then, so I too speak from inside my impressions of what it would have been like…
So cheer up – what that man said could well have been a compliment! Not only meant as such (as I think it was), but could have also been accepted by you as such, fitting with your ideals and all – since we’re not exactly sure what he meant, let’s think it was positive! 🙂
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I may have been off about his age. I am not great at guessing age and i didnt id him. I dont think he meant his comment maliciously. Im sure he meant it as a compliment. People cat calling at women on the street also think its a compliment but that doesnt make it an ok thing to do.
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It’s not the same as cat calling though, is it? Do you think he meant that “true women” should stay at home and do the washing up? That would be an insult, indeed. But true women of 1950s were the same women who lost their sons and husbands in the war and had to take their places throwing bombs off roofs and flying air planes into battle. They are the same women knitting through the night to get warm clothes to the front or working 20-hour days making bombs and ammunition. And when the war ended, they returned to their washing up, or what was left of it. It is by no means an insult to be compared to those true women.
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Those “true women” – the ones who went off to war or worked in factories and contributed so much to the war effort — went back to traditional social expectations that put them right back in the kitchen in their pearls and their Donna Reid dresses (I’m old enough to remember this and who Donna Reid is:-). It was those women who found themselves stifled and wanting more and believed that real women’s lives need not be bounded by home and hearth. That generation of women gave us second wave feminism. I recently had occasion to look through some of the pictures of the women who worked on the Royal Commission on the Status of Women. There they were with their pearls and hats and pussycat blouses and cinched in waists fighting for women’s rights, including the right to choose how we represent ourselves, what job we hold, etc. So what this gentleman perceived as “real women” began a revolution – likely to his chagrin – that continues and they did it with knitting needles in one hand and a protest sign in the other. Go for what you believe and who you are Bernadette! You look wonderful being just who you are!
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I think I understand why that man’s comments stuck with you and caused you worry. It actually reminded me of conversations I’ve had with friends – male friends – who’ve had occasion to muse aloud that “wouldn’t it be great to have lived in the 40s or 50s?” Of course in the context of our our discussions, they were initially thinking of how cool the music, neon signs, clothes and cars were in those days, but when I remind them how how real life was like for women – little or no choice re careers, reproductive health, raising kids basically all by yourself with no help from your husband and forget about what life was like for LGBTQ folk – well, they quickly see the light. I don’t know how many of my friends’ moms were on Valium and/or sat alone drinking Screwdrivers watching the Dialing for Dollars afternoon movie while their kids where at school (I knew of a few). My mom was practically ostracized in our neighbourhood because, gasp!, she had a job!!
My guess is that that man’s comment was an expression of that same sort of antiquated, ignorant and frankly delusional sentiment – a misguided nostalgia for the “old days” when things were simpler, which is just code for genders fitting into cookie-cutter definitions and everyone knew what was expected of them: men were in charge and women had the babies and served their men. When he saw you dressed in what he perceived as the uniform of that gender stereotype and knitting (more proof in his view!), it validated his beliefs. Hopefully I’m wrong about him, but seriously, next time, if he insists on making a comment, he should just say, “nice yarn” or ask “what are you knitting?” Okay, rant over. You look fabulous in that dress by the way – and I think I remember seeing you at Knit City!
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